you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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