he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
