the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
