I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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