He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
