Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
