that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
