you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
