Only a mothe r could love this liver
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
bring money and cleavage
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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