I can tuck mytits in my pants
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
