Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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