Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
