how can u be prego again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
