I must be too annoying 4 u.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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