I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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