Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
