dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
