What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
