She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
