god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
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I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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