non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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