Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
