He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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