i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
