so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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