I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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