stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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