My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
