he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
