get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
