my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
