I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize