I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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