I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
