And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
