I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
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I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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