Where did you get a picture of my penis
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Pants are for mortals
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
