wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
