Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
