my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
