the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
