There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
