i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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