I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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