no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dick very happy bro
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
