So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
