I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
