When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
