All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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