Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
