I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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