i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
