im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
