can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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