She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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