I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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