you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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