I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
