Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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