i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm passing your future prison.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
