Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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