just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
