I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
