I'm gonna have a badass scar
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize