Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
